RIP – Lame Phrases

By:  John The Violator

 I have always enjoyed the realm of public speaking, specifially the art giving eulogies.  I have never had the priveledge of speaking at a funeral, but at the multiple funerals I have attended I have noticed a trend….. Shitty funeral speeches.  Seriously what the fuck?  My goal is to put the Fun back in Funeral! 

 Since none of my friends are on their death beds, and those that are probably going to die soon are too lame or have too lame of families to let me speak at their funerals, I am going to announce the death of several overused and annoying catch phrases.

 To my dear friend “All that and a bag of chips” Syanora you over played sonofabitch!  You have been a blister on my ass since the mid 90’s and although Ricky Lake has had you on life support for the past 7 years, I am proud to announce your passing.

How could any of us forget “That’s what she said”?  You will certainly be missed by every middle aged man without a creative bone in his body.  For years you were there as old stand by.  You were a staple at watercoolers, and lunch tables for years and years, but let’s not be sad, let’s rejoice in your glory and celebrate your passing.  It was you “That’s what she said” that reminded me that everything has a double meaning and no matter how off the wall you seemed at times, you did always bring a smile to my face.  You will be missed brother.

“Oh no you didn’t”  you will always be one of my favorites.  Even though you were slighly annoying, and you never really did make sense, I know so many fans of yours, I just have to express my condolences.  At your peak you were more popular “Talk to the hand” and The Macerana combined, but you didn’t let it go to your head did you?  No, you didn’t. 

 To my dear long lost friend “Work hard, play hard”  I was on myspace trying to find your profile, and your name came back with 15,000,000 hits!  I couldn’t find the real you, believe me I have tried to reunite several times, but you are just too damn popular.  From the middle aged stock broker that likes to party and hit on chicks half his age, to the coke head college student that loves to stay up late, and go to work early, you were damn near everywhere.  I have seen you at frat houses across the globe, you were at the lake every weekend, and I am great friends with several of your step children.  That’s right “Work hard play hard” it’s over, but man what a ride! 

 Fin

3 Comments

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI