By: John The Violator
These are the transcprits 2 phone calls made right before Owen Wilson was hospitalized for attempting suicide.
Owen’s Call to 911:
911: 9-1-1 Emergency, can I help you.
OW: Wow, uuhhhm, wow. I think I just tried to kill myself.
911: Holy $hi^, is this Ben Stiller?
OW: Uhmmm, wow, you know, I wish I was Ben Stiller, but no, uhhh this is serious. I’m Owen Wilson and I think I just tried to commit suicide.
911: Luke Wilson?
OW: No, uhhhmmm Owen Wilson, the one that looks like Ellen.
911: From Wedding Crashers?
OW: Yeah, that’s me.
911: I totally loved Vince Vaughn in that movie.
OW: Yeah, that’s great, but seriously could I get an ambulance over to (address not released)?
911: Dude; You Me and Dupree was hilarious!
OW: Look, is there a manager on duty I could speak with?
911: What’s it like working with Jackie Chan?
OW: Hey, wow, uhmmm, if you don’t mind I am kind of dying over here……
911: Is Will Ferrell as funny in real life as he is in the movies?
OW: Wow, uhmmm I am getting dizzy can I just get some help please?
911: We’ll get an ambulance right over.
OW: Wow, that would be great.
This call was made just 7 minutes early to Owen’s long time friend and rumored gay sex partner, Vince Vaughn.
VV: Hey beautiful baby!
OW: (sobbing) Hey Vince….
VV: Owen, what’s wrong baby? This isn’t beautiful…..
OW: Vince, I’m gonna do it!
VV: Do What? (Will Ferrell in the background) DO IT! DO IT!
OW: I’m gonna kill myself….
VV: Just a second (Shut up Will this is serious) Don’t do it man, your money.
OW: (still sobbing) Really? You really mean that Vince?
VV: For real, man, you are really really money.
OW: But what about, Zoolander, Wedding Crashers, Old School, Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, Shanghi Knights, The Royal Tennenbaums, You Me and Dupree, Starsky and Hutch, Night at the Museum, Armageddon, Rushmore, and The Cable Guy?
VV: First off, you weren’t in Old School, that was me, Will, and your brother Luke. But what about them?
OW: Well, you, Ben, and Will are all so talented, and I have never actually starred in a movie. Plus, Luke hates me. I mean, seriously, my own brother thinks that I am a loser.
VV: Baby! You’re money! So what if you aren’t a leading man, there are plenty of great career co-stars. Look at Ron Howard’s brother, he’s beautiful baby! And so are you. (Will Ferrell in the background) I YOU LOVE OWEN! I LOVE YOU!
OW: Are you having a party?
VV: No, no way baby, I wouldn’t have a party and not invite you (shushing people in the background), Will just stopped by with some beer, and we are watching the Cubs, you know I wouldn’t have a party with out the “Big O”.
OW: Wow, I’m sorry Vince. I just lost it there, wow…. You’re great, tell Will I’m sorry for all of this…
VV: Bada-bing Baby! You’re money, now snap out of it.
Get well soon Owen. We all miss you and America just isn’t America without a Wing Man.
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Ok, this comment is not about your blog. It is about your profile picture. Doyle, it is frightening. I like moustaches, but yours is a force to be reckoned with. Simply terrifying.
hey man, dont be so jerk. Owem Wilson is better actor than luke Wilson.
From Argentina
Are you kidding me? I appreciate you reading my blog and all, but saying that Owen Wilson is a better actor than Luke Wilson is like choosing regular herpes over butt herpes.
Owen Wilson a better actor? That’s why he tried to commit suicide is because he realized how much better Luke is than him.