By: John The Violator
I have not historically been a huge fan of unnecessary holidays. For instance, Valentines Day, United Nations Day, and Columbus Day all mean absolutely jack shit to me. I don’t get the day off, I don’t get an excuse to see my family, and with the exception of United Nations Day, I [...]
National “Boss” Day
Spotlight – Crazy About Crockpots
By: John The Violator
The beginning of Fall not only brings the changing of the leaves, and a familiar chill in the air. If you are anything like me, the beginning of Fall also brings the return of one of my favorite hobbies, crock potting. I have spent the past 3 or 4 years of my life searching [...]
OMG!!!! WTF??
By: John The Violator
These are the transcprits 2 phone calls made right before Owen Wilson was hospitalized for attempting suicide.
Owen’s Call to 911:
911: 9-1-1 Emergency, can I help you.
OW: Wow, uuhhhm, wow. I think I just tried to kill myself.
911: Holy $hi^, is this Ben Stiller?
OW: Uhmmm, wow, you know, I wish I was Ben [...]
Top 10 Things That We Would Love to Put in President George W. Bush’s Ass!
By: John The Violator Featuting Mr. Stunt Fingerz
10. A pineapple
9. Our Fists (All 4 at one time)
8. A Steve Largent Bobblehead Doll
7. A Volvo 240 DL
6. His own administration’s Domestic Spying Program
5. Dick Cheney’s pacemaker
4. Condi Rice’s “Caveman-esque” forehead
3. The entire 1972 USA Olympic Swim Team, including Mark Spitz and all nine of his Gold Metals.
2. A “Don’t [...]
Top 10 Signs that you are a Yuppie
By: John The Violator
10. Your Golden Retriever just loves going for rides in your Volvo 240 DL.
9. You own a John Tesh album.
8. When you go to a jazz concert you actually pick up on and laugh at the little nuances between the bassist and sax0phone player.
7. You cringe at the thought of eating non organic split peas.
6. [...]
The Champ (almost)
By: John The Violator
First off I would just like to say thanks for all of the support over the past couple of weeks. I appreciate all of the cards, booze, and money that you have sent to help me with my quest.
For those of you sitting there scratching your heads, I recently returned from Columbus, Ohio where I was competing [...]
Spotlight – Mikenastics
By: John The Violator
I just want to start this edition of Spotlight out by stating that Mikenastics is the shit of all shits! This dude is 50 plus years of age and he still tumbles around his house like a fucking 3rd grader. Me and my good friend Erik used to pull shit like this [...]
Fuck Blockbuster (and their “no late fee” policy)
By: John The Violator
Dear Blockbuster Video,
I am writing this letter because my freedom of speech is protected under the Constitution, and to be quite frank throwing a brick through your front window, or putting a piss puck in your drop box is not.
First off I would like to apologize for keeping your copy of “The [...]
